Respect is the Key to Motivating a Husband

Respect BLOG

Love & Respect Ch. 3

Wives, this one’s for you.

How was chapter 3 this week? What did you learn? In what ways did you improve your marriage this week? Were you able to take a moment and understand how your spouse is viewing the conversation you are having? Were you able to understand why your husband looks through blue sunglasses and why you(wife) are seeing through pink?

I hope you took the time this week to read over chapter 3. As I read the chapter one major point that I got out of it was that wives must respect their husbands. Obviously that is what the book is about but really think about it…. How good of a job do you actually do at respecting your husband? Women are built to love. We want to be loved and we want to love other people. It is easy to show love to our husbands because that is in our very nature. Most husbands if you ask them know that their wives loves them. There is no doubt in their mind. But if you ask them if their wives respect them, they may give you a different answer.

One way I like to show my husband respect is to give him unlimited amounts of encouragement. I let him know he is doing a good just at work or on things around the house. This shows him that I am noticing the good things that is doing for us. Men want to feel that they are doing a good job/feel that they are respected. Men also like to feel needed. Giving them a thank you for taking out the trash or mowing the grass can go a long way. Especially if you usually don’t thank him for those things. I know when my husband thanks me for doing the dishes or doing the laundry it makes me feel good because those things are not going unnoticed.

On page 46 Eggerichs states, “The way to fully love a husband is to respect him in ways that are meaningful to him.” Wife’s this week I want you to intentionally look for areas in which your husband is excelling. Make a list of all the things your husband does that you are thankful for. Verbalize to him how thankful you are when he does that certain service whether it be mowing the grass, getting up early for work to earn money for your family, for loving you daily, etc.

Husbands if you are reading this, thank your wife when she shows you respect. Let her know that you see her trying. And don’t forget to love her even when she is not being respectful.

For more information on this topic check out what the author of Love & Respect has to say. He states some really good points on Unconditional Love and Unconditional Respect.

Photo Cred: Billy Grubbs

What codes are you speaking in your marriage?

Pink&Blue

Love & Respect Ch. 2

Sorry I’m a week late on this chapter. Having a busy week will do that for ya! Just want to start of by asking you how the challenge from Chapter 1 went? Wives were you able to show respect to your husbands? Husbands were you about to show love to your wives? Did you notice your spouse doing these things for you? The love and respect concept will continue to be the on-going challenge for the remainder of this book.

I hope everyone got a chance to read over chapter 2. What did you think? Did you learn something new from this chapter? I did!! Chapter 2 ‘To Communicate, Decipher the Code’ has some very basic yet compelling examples of how a husband and wife should interact towards one another. Eggerichs’ also points out ways in which couples do not do a good job at interacting appropriately.

Being married is amazing but in saying that it doesn’t go without those moments of disconnect when we don’t understand why our spouse feels a certain way. Because this is something that will definitely happen we must learn how to decipher our spouses “code”. On page 31, Eggerichs’ points out that sometimes the issue isn’t really the issue. How many times does that happen in your marriage? I know it happens in ours. Sometimes what seems to be the issue of the disagreement isn’t really what you are concerned with. This point is tied back to the story he told of the husband who got a birthday card unknowingly for his wife for their anniversary. For once he remember their anniversary without being reminded and he was so excited that he remember and that he even remembered to get her a card! When she opened it up she noticed it was a birthday card and it was their anniversary…. The wife was hurt that he didn’t even care about her enough to take the time to read the card before giving it to her….As a women I can see how she would feel that way. But the husband was actually caring for her and got her a card for once and actually remembered their anniversary. He was not being unloving towards her on purpose like she was feeling and she was not being disrespectful on purpose when she became angry. That is just how it came off to the other spouse. This iswhere it is important to be careful as to how your words and actions come off to your spouse.

Eggerichs likes to refer to women as pink and men as blue. Women look through a pair of pink sunglasses while men look though a pair of blue sunglasses. We both look at the same thing but how we see it is different. We have to know that there will be times when we do not see things as the other spouse does.

This week I want to challenge you to be aware of these things when you and your spouse do not see eye to eye. Just take a second in that moment and ask yourself…How is my spouse viewing this situation? And if you don’t know, then seek to understand.

>>>What part of this chapter was your favorite? Comment below.

The Simple Secret to a Better Marriage

Love & Respect ch. 1

One of my favorite things about this book is that it is filled with various stories of real life couples struggles and how they were/should be resolved. Chapter one is merely an introduction to what the whole book is about. As you might have guessed the book is about Love and Respect….But how does that actually look like in real life? Dr. Eggerichs pulls this idea straight from scripture in Ephesians 5:33 “Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (NIV) < L&R>>

So is this idea really as simple as it is written? Kind of! It is a simple command, but because we are human and live in a fallen world…we are not perfect, therefore this basic command(not suggestion) becomes much harder than it sounds. Why do you think the Lord commanded husbands and wives to do just this? When you think about it ladies, which do you want more? Love or respect? Of course we want both but speaking as a woman, I want to be loved and to know I am loved. The same goes for husbands, they want both but more than being loved, they want to feel respected. As a women, it is in our very nature to be loving and nurturing. Therefore our husbands know we love them but when we do not show them respect, they breakdown.

Dr. Eggerich speaks of coming to an “aha” moment with this subject. He states, “Without love, she reacts without respect. Without respect, he reacts without love.” This “simple” command from the Bible has powerful consequences when we do not follow them. This week I challenge you to focus on how you can show respect to your husband and for you men, how you can show love to your wife. I also encourage you to read chapter one in Love & Respect. There are several stories Eggerichs uses to demonstrate this concept. On page 5 in L&R you can find a diagram like this one that illustrates The Crazy Cycle.

crazy cycle

Image from << http://staymarriedblog.com/show-some-respect/ >>

**One thing to remember is that we are called to show our husbands respect even when our husbands are being unloving and husbands, you are to show your wife love even when she is being disrespectful.**

Let me know how this challenge in showing Love and Respect

this week goes for you! Also if I can be encouragement for you let me know!

Love & Respect <>

Learning to Love & Respect

Love and Respect

Are you interested in a marriage book that is truly helpful? I would love to recommend a book to you! Over the next several weeks I will be doing a review/summary of the book called Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Focusing in on one chapter each week. I do this in effort to help you as you go through the book with me. If you do not have a copy of your own you can order it HERE.

            Love & Respect’s main focus is centered around Ephesians 5:33, which says: “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” ESV Scripture could not have said it any better than that! A women so desires to be loved by her husband and a man truly desires respect from his wife. When we show our spouse their desired need they will in turn be quick to show us our desired need. I pray that my readers, however many that may be, will begin this journey with me in learning how God intended us to act towards our spouse. Also my best friend will be doing guest post on this topic on my blog! Looking forward to seeing Mindy’s take on some of the chapters! Get ready because we have a lot of reading to do!!

A short encouragement

Excuse my absence from my blog. These past few weeks have been extremely busy it seems! I am looking forward to writing the blogs I have planned. As soon as I get a bit of free time I will be doing just that!

I have just a quick minute though! Have you been in the scripture lately? Does your busy schedule keep you from making time to spend in God’s word? I know busyness definitely buts a strain on my time with God. I just want to encourage you to MAKE time for Him. Even if it’s just a couple minutes! He is worth it!

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

-Matthew 6:21

<<< I would love to know how I can encourage you today! >>>

Celebrating your differences as husband and wife

Ladies, have you ever wondered why sometimes your husband doesn’t get you? Or do you sometimes not get him? This happens often in marriages because men and women are so different. I was told by a friend this weekend to watch a sermon by Adrian Rogers. (link to video is below) He titled his sermon, “Celebrating the Difference”. I want to outline for you what Adrian spoke about in this video, but I also encourage you to watch it for yourself. 

The one question Adrian kept asking is, “Who is better? A man or a woman?”. And his answer, “Neither”. “God made us different so that He might make us one.” Isn’t that what marriage is all about? A husband and wife are to be and act as one. Ephesians 5:31 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” ESV Being one with your husband doesn’t not merely refer to a sexual oneness, although that is part of it. Being one in a marriage is about being on the same page as one another. This does not mean you will always agree, but striving to understand each other and to be united under Christ. Picture this…. If two people were conjoined together but, having separate limbs, heart, and mind, how can they function as a whole? One person would want to go one direction and the other person a different direction. In a marriage we are two separate people but with the same focus, that is Christ. When we are united with Christ our two separate bodies can become one flesh in mind, body, and spirit. This is a beautiful thing that God created. 

**First read Genesis 2:19-25 where God creates Eve for Adam**

In this sermon Adrian speaks of six main differences between a man and a woman. 

1. Beauty and the Beast

1 Peter 3:7 says, “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as a weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” ESV  The man’s job is to be the provider and protector. Therefore a man must be strong to protect his wife. A woman’s job is to love and nurture. Giving her a soft heart in order to care for her husband. Women, just because we are weaker, does not mean that we are inferior to our husbands. Because women are delicate, a husband should take care of her as such. 

2. The Tortoise and the Hare

Men have more energy than women. As a wife, we should know this, to not over-work our husbands. They need their rest too. Because women do get tired faster than men, our husbands need to be able to recognize when we need a break. One of the main things about this difference that stuck out to me was that Adrian said, “Men are built to provide and protect, and she is not.” Ladies, that is a relief to us! This should drive us to be more thankful to our husbands. I know I am!

3. The Romantic and the Mechanic

Men have a hard outer shell while women are soft. Not only have I learn this from Adrian but also from experience. Men are not going to be as romantic as you would like. That is just not the way they were wired. And this is okay! Take a few minutes to read this verses. 

**Song of Solomon 3:1-4**  Here a women is expressing her love for her husband

**Song of Solomon 4:1-5**  Here a man is expressing how beautiful his wife is

So what does this tell us? Women are emotionally driven and men are visual creatures. Which is better? Neither! We are just different. As we see these differences though this should strive us to serve our spouse in what they need, even if it’s not what we want. 

4. The Radar and the Computer

Women are the radar and men are the computer. As a women we can process a lot of information at once unlike men. Men take things one at a time. Which is better? Neither! Both of these have their negatives. Although a woman can process more and can think emotionally and logically, we sometimes get the two confused. I probably speak for all women, but I like details. Have you ever asked your husband a question and he gives you a short answer? To him he answered the question, but to you he left you hanging. Women like to know all the details about everything. But on the other hand, men don’t. A way to give your husband what he wants is to not give him all the details all the time. Save that for your girlfiends. 

5. A Code Speaker and the Reporter

Women share and men report. Men, this one is for you. “Don’t listen to what a women says, listen to what a woman means.” Women speak in code. Whether this is a good thing or not we do it. We have to remember though that our husbands are not mind readers. We have to tell them what we want if we want them to understand. 

6. The Lover and the Achiever

In Ephesians 5 we learn that women want love and men want respect. Adrian states that, ” When a woman tells a man a problem, he will want to fix it. The woman does not want to fix it. She wants sympathy.  As a women I know this is true. 

 

In conclusion, remember that we must have a foundation in marriage but also be willing to be flexible with one another’s needs. 

 

 Celebrating the Differences – Adrian Rogers